I am approaching the One Year mark on going natural so I’ve decided to reflect a little on the past, when I used to relax my hair a lot.
I liked to pretend that I was this strong, independent kid. I mean it wasn’t totally untrue, for the most part I was. My hair was in fact my biggest insecurity because I really didn’t have any idea what to do with it. Relaxing my hair made my hair pin straight and back in middle/high school that was, you know, cool.
Big, Poofy, Puffy, hair, which is what I had, was not.
Most of my good friends had nice straight hair. I learned the ways of the flat iron through them. I was always looking for new ways to keep my hair straight. To try to improve it anyway I could. I didn’t know what I wanted all I knew was that I hated the way my hair was starting to look. It was dry and the ends were all broken. I would try to curl the ends under so that it wasn’t so frayed but you can only hide bad ends for so long.
Going Natural wasn’t even this big, grand decision. I’m pretty sure my mom just asked me if I wanted to go to the hair salon one day, and I kind of just said no. I just stopped going. With no warning. I did the research and decided relaxing my hair wasn’t working for me anymore. I’ve been making little changes to my hair routine, but now I was going head first into this change. Being away at school, I was relaxing my hair less and less anyway, so now it was just going cold turkey.
I have a lot of texture back in my hair now. I’m learning to take care of it and to love it again. I see baby pictures of me with my afro and my hair was huge. A monster amount of curls and coils all on top of my little baby head.
There are some days when I am just over the “Going Natural” thing, to be perfectly honest. I feel ugly. I feel different. I feel defeated. But bad days come with the territory. Everyone has bad hair days, especially struggling naturalistas.
I experiment with different twists and braids and knots. I get so many different kinds of curls now. I’m trying out different hairstyles and I love all of these edgy updos that I keep finding. I’m starting to love being different.
Soon I will have no more little relaxed ends. Just curls. And I am going to love it.
Me in a Bantu Knot Out ….and Sailor Hat