Up Too Late and Not Thinking Straight

This week has been full of ups and downs. I’ve had a lot of great opportunities coming my way that I am very excited about. I feel like I am finally taking control of my life and I like the future that is ahead of me. I’m being spontaneous. I’m applying to do things and volunteering to participate in things, and not getting turned down. I’m going to be featured on some blogs and I’ll hopefully have solid plans for the summer. All of this is so overwhelming in the most wonderful way possible. 

I don’t know if it’s this new low blood pressure thing that I have going on, or if this semester is just draining but this week, my lows were pretty low. I’ve been doing so well as to not feel as though I was inadequate in something, and this week, when those thoughts were to creep through, I felt as though they would swallow me, and I wouldn’t want to do much of anything. I’ve been sleeping so terribly too. The dorm room has never been very comfortable for me, so these waves or restlessness and not being able to sleep, is kind of normal.

Since the new year I have been trying to always see the positive in everything. I’ve been trying to keep my moral up and so far it’s been working. Now, however, I’m realizing that I can’t just recognize all the good happening, but also the bad. When I feel down and sad, I need to come to terms with it, and only then will I be able to push forth. That’s what the problem with this week was. When I was happy I’d be ecstatic and tell my family and some friends. When I was upset, I’d keep to myself. By Friday, I was all worked up. The sound of a pin dropping was enough to set me off or aggravate me. I don’t have to be strong all of the time. I don’t have to be strong for everyone. Only myself and everything else will follow suit.

Tomorrow is going to just, be my day. My little sabbath. I need to rest. I need to recuperate. I need to be me again. I may turn my phone off. I may lock my door. I may stay curled in bed all day. Whatever may happen, I’m going to just do whatever I want. It won’t be that much, but all I know is that tomorrow is going to be the best day of this week.

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